March 28, 2021 Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office Doomguy and Master Chief Embarrassed They Wore the Same Thing to the Office REDMOND, Wash. — Following Microsoft’s acquisition of Bethesda, new co-workers Master Chief and Doomguy had an awkward first day at the office after realizing they…
March 29, 2020 Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping Christian Mothers Agree It’s Actually Pretty Neat How ‘Doom Eternal’ Updated Its Combat System to Discourage Camping SHEBOYGAN, Wisc. — In an impromptu meeting reacting to the release of the latest game in the controversial Satanic-themed first-person shooter franchise, a coalition of…
August 17, 2018 Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer Cops Plant DOOM on School Shooter’s Computer GLEN ROCK, N.J. — After sixteen-year-old Alex Stone opened fire at Glen Rock High School, killing ten students and injuring others before committed suicide, police…
April 30, 2018 Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM Terrified MIT Computer Scientists Hide From Roomba Hacked to Run DOOM CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Several graduate students associated with the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Media Lab have taken shelter in a supply closet after a Roomba…
February 24, 2018 Violent Video Games Argument Receives HD Remaster Violent Video Games Argument Receives HD Remaster WASHINGTON — Fans of recycled arguments rejoiced earlier this week, as President Donald Trump unveiled an updated, high definition remaster of the allegation that video…
November 29, 2017 Study Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One Night Study Suggests Link Between Violent Video Games and Some Goddamn Time to Myself for One Night WORCESTER, Mass. — A new landmark study published today by my fiancée and son suggests a strong link between violent video games and the off…
October 1, 2017 Violent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill People Violent Video Games Taught My Son to Escape the Cage I Kept Him in and Kill People When you expose your children to violent video games, it alters the chemicals in their brains as they mature. Their experiences and stimuli shape who…
