donkey kong

Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country

Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do…

4 years ago

U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in…

4 years ago

Man Tasked With Making Score for Monkey Riding a Swordfish Underwater Creates Transcendent Piece of Music

COALVILLE, U.K. —  Donkey Kong Country’s recent addition to the Nintendo Switch Online SNES collection has fans and audiophiles alike…

4 years ago

Price of Barrel With Diddy Kong Stuffed Inside Reaches All Time Low

DONKEY KONG ISLAND — The price of a wooden barrel containing Diddy Kong, beloved friend and sidekick of Donkey Kong,…

5 years ago

Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong

WASHINGTON — According to a nationwide survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, an overwhelming 85% of Christians do not…

5 years ago

Gamers Furious as Arcade Machine Introduces 25 Cent Microtransactions

PHOENIX —  Anger erupted among several gamers after a local arcade machine suddenly began charging unsuspecting players 25 cents to…

7 years ago