December 21, 2020 New Wall Street Journal Opinion Piece Calls Out Dr Disrespect for Not Being Medical Doctor New Wall Street Journal Opinion Piece Calls Out Dr Disrespect for Not Being Medical Doctor NEW YORK — Following a controversial opinion piece wherein columnist Joseph Epstein beseeched Jill Biden to drop the “doctor” title from her name due to…
December 4, 2020 Man Who Eats, Sleeps, and Breathes Video Games Advised by Doctor to Stop Doing That Man Who Eats, Sleeps, and Breathes Video Games Advised by Doctor to Stop Doing That BOSTON — Urgently advising the at-risk man to change his dangerous lifestyle immediately, a doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital advised patient William Shelton to stop…
July 16, 2020 President Trump Appoints Dr. Goomba Tower as New Head, Head, and Head of COVID-19 Task Force President Trump Appoints Dr. Goomba Tower as New Head, Head, and Head of COVID-19 Task Force WASHINGTON — President Trump announced this morning that he would be naming Dr. Goomba Tower as the new head, head, and head of the COVID-19…
April 12, 2020 Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages Mario Can’t Get Resume Under 10 Pages MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Local Brooklynite Mario Mario was reportedly unable to get his resume under 10 pages following a bout of unemployment due to the…
February 5, 2020 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room KANSAS CITY — 35-year-old Peter Brydon has been seeing family pediatrician Dr. Richard Cohen, who has had a Nintendo 64 in his office waiting room,…
November 30, 2019 Gamer Doctor Saves Life Twice Just In Case Gamer Doctor Saves Life Twice Just In Case YUMA, Ariz. — After having spent four hours in an operating theater performing a coronary artery bypass, gamer surgeon Esmeralda Bennet decided to perform the…
May 8, 2019 Doctor Informs Knuckles That Those Are Actually Tumors on His Hands Doctor Informs Knuckles That Those Are Actually Tumors on His Hands STATION SQUARE — In a somber twist to an otherwise routine checkup, a doctor on call at Station Square Medical Center regretfully informed Knuckles the…
June 9, 2018 Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this morning that he refuses to…
September 30, 2017 I Didn’t Get a Megatron ‘Toy’ Stuck up My Ass, I Got a Megatron Action Figure Stuck up My Ass I Didn’t Get a Megatron ‘Toy’ Stuck up My Ass, I Got a Megatron Action Figure Stuck up My Ass An Open Letter to My Doctor: I really can’t thank you enough for seeing me today doctor, and I really hate to keep dwelling…
