July 3, 2020 Husband Critiques Accuracy of Wife’s Sexy Slave Leia Outfit to Orgasm Husband Critiques Accuracy of Wife’s Sexy Slave Leia Outfit to Orgasm DECATUR, Ga. — Local husband and self-described Star Wars aficionado Benny Butler critiqued a ‘sexy Slave Leia’ costume his wife, Erica Butler, had purchased to…
June 27, 2020 Fearful Rick Moranis Unable to Back Out of Contract That Allows Disney to Really Shrink Him Fearful Rick Moranis Unable to Back Out of Contract That Allows Disney to Really Shrink Him LOS ANGELES — In a twist that has put his return to movies into troubling context, beloved 80’s and 90’s film star Rick Moranis has…
June 22, 2020 The Avengers Furlough Hawkeye The Avengers Furlough Hawkeye ESOPUS, N.Y. — The Avengers announced today that they will be making furloughs in order to assist with the gradual reopening of the Avengers Initiative,…
June 15, 2020 ‘Abrams Cut’ of The Last Jedi Spends Extra 30 Minutes Revealing Who Every Porgs’ Dad Is ‘Abrams Cut’ of The Last Jedi Spends Extra 30 Minutes Revealing Who Every Porgs’ Dad Is LOS ANGELES — Disney surprise announced a “JJ Abrams Cut” of Star Wars: The Last Jedi this morning which they say will add more depth…
May 4, 2020 Star Trek Fan Says ‘Happy Holidays’ Instead of ‘May the Fourth Be With You’ Star Trek Fan Says ‘Happy Holidays’ Instead of ‘May the Fourth Be With You’ CINCINNATI — While many people are observing May 4 as Star Wars Day by saying “may the fourth be with you,” local Star Trek fan…
March 29, 2020 Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of the Galaxy, in half to…
March 24, 2020 ‘The Rise of Skywalker’ Novelization Reveals You’ve Wasted Your Goddamn Life on This ‘The Rise of Skywalker’ Novelization Reveals You’ve Wasted Your Goddamn Life on This LOS ANGELES — While the ninth and final episode of the “Skywalker Saga” films left many unanswered questions, the novelization of last year’s Star Wars…
February 25, 2020 Bob Iger Steps Down to Make Room for New Disney CEO Baby Iger Bob Iger Steps Down to Make Room for New Disney CEO Baby Iger BURBANK, Calif. — Disney CEO Bob Iger made a surprise announcement this afternoon that he would be stepping down from his position, effective immediately, to…
February 11, 2020 Disney Breeds Dozens of New Frog Species to Expand National Geographic Streaming Content Disney Breeds Dozens of New Frog Species to Expand National Geographic Streaming Content BURBANK, Calif. — Stating their intent to dramatically increase the wildlife channel’s Disney+ presence, the Walt Disney Company announced today they would begin breeding and…
