disney

Husband Critiques Accuracy of Wife’s Sexy Slave Leia Outfit to Orgasm

DECATUR, Ga. — Local husband and self-described Star Wars aficionado Benny Butler critiqued a ‘sexy Slave Leia’ costume his wife,…

4 years ago

Fearful Rick Moranis Unable to Back Out of Contract That Allows Disney to Really Shrink Him

LOS ANGELES — In a twist that has put his return to movies into troubling context, beloved 80’s and 90’s…

4 years ago

The Avengers Furlough Hawkeye

ESOPUS, N.Y.  — The Avengers announced today that they will be making furloughs in order to assist with the gradual…

4 years ago

‘Abrams Cut’ of The Last Jedi Spends Extra 30 Minutes Revealing Who Every Porgs’ Dad Is

LOS ANGELES — Disney surprise announced a “JJ Abrams Cut” of Star Wars: The Last Jedi this morning which they…

4 years ago

Star Trek Fan Says ‘Happy Holidays’ Instead of ‘May the Fourth Be With You’

CINCINNATI — While many people are observing May 4 as Star Wars Day by saying “may the fourth be with…

5 years ago

Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age

KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of…

5 years ago

‘The Rise of Skywalker’ Novelization Reveals You’ve Wasted Your Goddamn Life on This

LOS ANGELES — While the ninth and final episode of the "Skywalker Saga" films left many unanswered questions, the novelization…

5 years ago

Bob Iger Steps Down to Make Room for New Disney CEO Baby Iger

BURBANK, Calif. — Disney CEO Bob Iger made a surprise announcement this afternoon that he would be stepping down from…

5 years ago

Disney Breeds Dozens of New Frog Species to Expand National Geographic Streaming Content

BURBANK, Calif. — Stating their intent to dramatically increase the wildlife channel’s Disney+ presence, the Walt Disney Company announced today…

5 years ago