April 28, 2020 Current Relationship Covering Load Time for Next Relationship Current Relationship Covering Load Time for Next Relationship PLANO,Texas — Local man Daniel Masterson recently discovered that his current relationship with Alexa Freedman is just covering up the load time for his next…
April 8, 2020 World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App World 1-1 Koopa Claims to be World 3-6 Para-Koopa On Dating App MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Continuing the trend of deceitful users of the Mushroom Kingdom’s dominant dating app, Mushd, a love-seeking Goomba named Sandra, 26, recently met…
March 8, 2020 Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed by his sleeping girlfriend Jennifer…
February 21, 2020 Woman Not Excited to Discover Boyfriend Backwards-Compatible With His Exes Woman Not Excited to Discover Boyfriend Backwards-Compatible With His Exes AUSTIN, Texas — Local woman Misty Barnhart was reportedly displeased when she realized that her boyfriend Luis Pratt is backward-compatible with his exes, claiming that…
January 23, 2020 XCOM Player Doesn’t Trust 90% OkCupid Match XCOM Player Doesn’t Trust 90% OkCupid Match TUCSON, Ariz. — Local XCOM player Chris Sweeten was not totally prepared to trust a 90% match with a girl on OkCupid, sources confirmed earlier…
November 24, 2019 Online Relationship Has No Plans for Physical Release Online Relationship Has No Plans for Physical Release CHICAGO — Dave Mitchell, longtime fan and player of the online-only relationship Dave and Tina was disappointed today after developers confirmed that the relationship had…
July 12, 2019 Man Equips Lvl 4 Gear for Lvl 30 Date Man Equips Lvl 4 Gear for Lvl 30 Date RICHMOND, Va. — Mistakenly assuming that his ordinary equipment would be adequate to see him through the encounter, IT specialist Alejandro Mano, 24, made a…
June 9, 2019 Fun Late Night Date Ideas that Just Happen to Coincide With Server Maintenance Fun Late Night Date Ideas that Just Happen to Coincide With Server Maintenance Spring is here, the birds are singing, and the flowers outside that are visible from my battle station while sitting in my Secretlab Omega racing…
May 9, 2019 Man Selects Formal N7 Hoodie For Second Date Man Selects Formal N7 Hoodie For Second Date SAN FRANCISCO — After several minutes of quiet deliberation, local single man Vann Beckers, 29, has settled on wearing a black Mass Effect Deluxe N7…
