March 19, 2020 GameStop Refuses to Close Doors Unless Local Authorities Sign Up for PowerUp Rewards GameStop Refuses to Close Doors Unless Local Authorities Sign Up for PowerUp Rewards GRAPEVINE, Texas — GameStop has told all of its employees that they should not close stores during the COVID-19 pandemic unless local authorities tasked with…
March 19, 2020 Animal Crossing Delayed Indefinitely After Gulliver Washes Up on Shore With COVID-19 Animal Crossing Delayed Indefinitely After Gulliver Washes Up on Shore With COVID-19 KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo made the difficult decision to delay Animal Crossing: New Horizons indefinitely after Gulliver washed up on shore carrying the coronavirus early…
March 19, 2020 Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A shipload of dungeons bosses now…
March 19, 2020 Oh No: Someone Already Raided This Dungeon Oh No: Someone Already Raided This Dungeon NEW YORK — A team of dungeon crawlers were horrified after spending hours to conquer a local dungeon, only to find it completely ransacked. “I…
March 18, 2020 Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is NEW YORK — Self-described introvert Barry Laughlin is reportedly struggling to stay sane during the 14-day coronavirus quarantine period, complaining that the isolation has left…
March 17, 2020 CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks of touching Mario’s face in…
March 13, 2020 CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon WASHINGTON — At a press conference this afternoon, CDC Director Robert Redfield urged all American citizens to begin keeping audio diaries during the COVID-19 pandemic,…
March 10, 2020 CDC Puts Temporary Ban on Playing Assassin’s Creed II CDC Puts Temporary Ban on Playing Assassin’s Creed II WASHINGTON — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has placed a temporary ban on playing the game Assassin’s Creed II during the coronavirus outbreak…
March 2, 2020 Delayed U.S. Coronavirus Preorders Finally Shipping Delayed U.S. Coronavirus Preorders Finally Shipping NEW YORK — Pathogen enthusiasts across the United States received good news yesterday, as global health officials announced that delayed Coronavirus preorders were finally arriving.…
