April 20, 2020 Hand-Washing Speedruns Condemned by World Health Organization Hand-Washing Speedruns Condemned by World Health Organization ATWATER, Ohio — Following a recent days-long conference focused on the COVID-19 outbreak held in Helsinki, Denmark, members of the World Health Organization have officially…
April 20, 2020 Irresponsible Villagers Still Attending Concerts During Pandemic Irresponsible Villagers Still Attending Concerts During Pandemic BIG SKY ISLAND — Residents of a single-island community in the remote ocean are defying the government’s orders for social isolation amid the Coronavirus pandemic…
April 13, 2020 Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly…
April 11, 2020 Jim Carrey Seen Wearing Mask to Get Groceries Jim Carrey Seen Wearing Mask to Get Groceries LOS ANGELES — In an effort to prevent the spread of coronavirus to those in a local Trader Joe’s, actor and comedian Jim Carrey was…
April 5, 2020 Study Shows the Most Played Video Game of the Quarantine is ‘Try Not to Cum Challenge’ Study Shows the Most Played Video Game of the Quarantine is ‘Try Not to Cum Challenge’ NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has revealed that the most played video game of the COVID-19 pandemic is the pornographic ‘Try…
April 4, 2020 Hackers Leak White House Plans for Great Depression Definitive Edition Hackers Leak White House Plans for Great Depression Definitive Edition WASHINGTON — An anonymous source has datamined the United States government and leaked what appears to be future plans for a release of the long…
April 3, 2020 Animal Crossing Player Buries Government Check in Hole Animal Crossing Player Buries Government Check in Hole PARMA, Ohio — Local Animal Crossing: New Horizons player, Theresa Marks, reportedly plans to bury her government check for $1,200 as soon as she gets…
April 3, 2020 Opinion: Hideo Kojima’s Next Game Must Be About a Nice World Where Nothing Bad Happens Opinion: Hideo Kojima’s Next Game Must Be About a Nice World Where Nothing Bad Happens As we trudge along through these desperate times, when the horrors of our lives were so accurately predicted in the hit video game Death Stranding,…
April 3, 2020 Inspiring: This Nerd Took to His Balcony to Keep Shouting About ‘The Last Jedi’ Inspiring: This Nerd Took to His Balcony to Keep Shouting About ‘The Last Jedi’ SEATTLE — As a nation shelters inside its homes amidst the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, one opinionated citizen inspired many by taking to his balcony to…
