coronavirus

GameStop Refuses to Close Doors Unless Local Authorities Sign Up for PowerUp Rewards

GRAPEVINE, Texas — GameStop has told all of its employees that they should not close stores during the COVID-19 pandemic…

5 years ago

Animal Crossing Delayed Indefinitely After Gulliver Washes Up on Shore With COVID-19

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo made the difficult decision to delay Animal Crossing: New Horizons indefinitely after Gulliver washed up on…

5 years ago

Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever

Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A…

5 years ago

Oh No: Someone Already Raided This Dungeon

NEW YORK — A team of dungeon crawlers were horrified after spending hours to conquer a local dungeon, only to…

5 years ago

Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is

NEW YORK — Self-described introvert Barry Laughlin is reportedly struggling to stay sane during the 14-day coronavirus quarantine period, complaining…

5 years ago

CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’

ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks…

5 years ago

CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon

WASHINGTON — At a press conference this afternoon, CDC Director Robert Redfield urged all American citizens to begin keeping audio…

5 years ago

CDC Puts Temporary Ban on Playing Assassin’s Creed II

WASHINGTON — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has placed a temporary ban on playing the game Assassin’s Creed…

5 years ago

Delayed U.S. Coronavirus Preorders Finally Shipping

NEW YORK — Pathogen enthusiasts across the United States received good news yesterday, as global health officials announced that delayed…

5 years ago