March 26, 2020 Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool HUNTSVILLE, Texas — Roommates Audley Stoddard, Jay Heath, and Corwin Reed have announced their intention to continue regularly using a virtually broken controller because it…
March 24, 2020 Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game LODI, N.J. — After consistently failing the same mission over and over, local gamer Josh Chung declared that unintuitive controls were to blame for his…
March 21, 2020 Strategy Guide: Press the ‘Start’ Button to Start the Game Strategy Guide: Press the ‘Start’ Button to Start the Game Gatekeeping in the world of video games is an epidemic. It is our duty as those who are “in the know” to help guide those…
December 27, 2019 Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller ASTORIA, N.Y. — Despite a litany of other explanations for his subpar performance across several local multiplayer games, local Xbox player Jonathan Haff has been…
January 17, 2019 Gamer More Scared of Vibrating Dualshock on Coffee Table than Silent Hill Cutscene That Caused It Gamer More Scared of Vibrating Dualshock on Coffee Table than Silent Hill Cutscene That Caused It TULSA, Okla. — Alex Watson’s Dualshock 2 reportedly went “fucking postal” vibrating on the coffee table in front of him during a Silent Hill 2…
September 10, 2018 Juilliard Introduces Course Teaching Actors to Convincingly Hold Controllers Juilliard Introduces Course Teaching Actors to Convincingly Hold Controllers NEW YORK — The world-renowned Juilliard Academy for Performing Arts announced that it has created a new course specifically designed to teach its talented actors…
September 7, 2018 Team Ninja Invents One-Handed Controller for Dead or Alive Xtreme Franchise Team Ninja Invents One-Handed Controller for Dead or Alive Xtreme Franchise TOKYO — Yosuke Hayashi, president of famed software developer Team Ninja, announced the production of a new controller specifically designed to only require one hand…
August 24, 2018 45 Dead After Disastrous Debut of Mad Catz Self-Driving Car 45 Dead After Disastrous Debut of Mad Catz Self-Driving Car SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Tragedy struck today as the first public showcase of the self-driving car invented by infamous video game accessory manufacturer Mad Catz…
August 21, 2018 Opinion: My Controller’s Being Weird Opinion: My Controller’s Being Weird It is time for our nation to come together and agree that my controller is being weird as hell right now and that’s the only…
