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Opinion: I Think Batman Does Eat Pussy and He’s Really Fucking Good At It

I'm not normally vocal about the public affairs of Gotham. My place is the private sector and I’m just a…

3 years ago

Opinion: We Must Redistribute the Banana Wealth in This Donkey Kong Country

Fellow citizens, let me ask you a question: how many bananas do you have in your possession right now? Do…

4 years ago

Saying ‘Hey! Listen!’ Is No Longer Enough

Ever since Ganondorf attacked Hyrule, I’ve had to constantly remind you that we can’t go back to our normal lives…

4 years ago

Opinion: Video Games are for Children. If You’re an Adult, You Should Stare at Wall Until You Fucking Die

Listen, here’s the deal: there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking video games if you’re a child, but that needs…

4 years ago

Opinion: Dog Owners Must Disclose Probability of Throwing Ball

First of all, woof. Secondly: we dogs have sniffed out a big hole in the gaming community that needs to…

5 years ago

Merry PISSmas, Shitbird! It’s Time to Kick Ass and Spread Cheer, and I’m All Out of Cheer

Ho-ho-hail to the king, baby! It’s me, God’s gift to women, Duke Nukem, here to wish you season’s greetings...or at…

5 years ago

No DreamCast Classic: You Motherfuckers Had Your Chance to Buy One the First Time

Hiya kids, it’s me, your pal Sonic the Hedgehog! I am saying this one time and one time only, there…

6 years ago

Winning for Losers: How to Win at Camping by Being the Only Survivor

Hello. I’m Greg Parker, eSports legend and streaming megastar (despite what you may have heard, my lawyer says I will…

7 years ago