July 7, 2017 Wounded Iraq War Veteran Cured After Crouching Behind Box For Five Seconds Wounded Iraq War Veteran Cured After Crouching Behind Box For Five Seconds WASHINGTON — The Department of Veteran Affairs revealed a catch-all cure for combat veterans that simply requires them to hide behind a box for five…
June 8, 2017 New Battlefield to Take Place Entirely on Message Board New Battlefield to Take Place Entirely on Message Board Having shifted locales recently from World War II to modern times and then going back to World War I, DICE announced today that the newest…
June 5, 2017 Military Tribunal Formally Reprimands Soldier for Teabagging 15 Enemy Combatants Military Tribunal Formally Reprimands Soldier for Teabagging 15 Enemy Combatants THE HAUGE, Netherlands — In a closed-door trial, military leaders leveled punishment against Sgt. Paul Jackson (aka UberDomed2005) for war crimes after allegedly placing his…
June 5, 2017 Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now Guidance Counselor Furious Professional Gamer An Actual Thing Now ALBANY, N.Y. — High school guidance counselor Michelle Hollenbeck expressed profound anger today after learning competitive gaming has become a legitimate occupation. The furious educator…
May 21, 2017 Top Ranked Call of Duty Player Also Noted Race Scholar Top Ranked Call of Duty Player Also Noted Race Scholar COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local student Hollis Wheaton gave a groundbreaking lecture last night on American race relations while holding the top spot in a game…
