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Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those PeopleGuy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People

Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People

SAN DIEGO — Fans of professional Smash Bros. player and alleged sexual predator ‘K1ra’ have reported widespread feelings of disbelief…

5 years ago
Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off BedBoyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed

Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed

ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed…

5 years ago
Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube ControllerPurist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller

Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller

BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this…

7 years ago
“Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster“Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster

“Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that the newest addition to the roster of the upcoming Nintendo Switch Super Smash Bros…

7 years ago
Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved HandsDirector of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands

Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today in a press release that the future Mario film will be directed by two…

7 years ago
Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex CultOur Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult

Our Interview with Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult

For years, Captain Olimar has been seen as a beloved hero by the people of Hocotate for his ability to…

8 years ago