July 16, 2020 Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People SAN DIEGO — Fans of professional Smash Bros. player and alleged sexual predator ‘K1ra’ have reported widespread feelings of disbelief that someone so capable with…
March 8, 2020 Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed by his sleeping girlfriend Jennifer…
June 9, 2018 Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this morning that he refuses to…
March 10, 2018 “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that the newest addition to the roster of the upcoming Nintendo Switch Super Smash Bros release will be a guy…
February 2, 2018 Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands Director of Mario Movie Revealed to be Two Gloved Hands KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today in a press release that the future Mario film will be directed by two large disembodied hands covered in…
September 4, 2017 Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult For years, Captain Olimar has been seen as a beloved hero by the people of Hocotate for his ability to command the Pikmin and enrich…
