June 8, 2021 Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — In a major blow that took place just seconds into one of his first casual games, chess player Ezra Kelly was…
February 26, 2020 Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local game night host Paul Cumiskey has been subjected to heavy criticism following guests’ accusations of bias in his presentation of potential…
December 17, 2019 Simpsons-Themed Monopoly Game Only Fun for 10 or 11 Turns Simpsons-Themed Monopoly Game Only Fun for 10 or 11 Turns ALPENA, Mich. — A recent game of a Simpsons themed version of the classic board game Monopoly only proved to be fun for the first…
April 12, 2019 ‘Monopoly II: Aftermath’ Explores Life in Atlantic City Ravaged by Unfettered Capitalism ‘Monopoly II: Aftermath’ Explores Life in Atlantic City Ravaged by Unfettered Capitalism PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Hasbro, in a press release today, announced Monopoly II: Aftermath, a direct sequel to iconic board game Monopoly and the most significant…
February 26, 2019 Friend Asking Around For Wood Like It Grows on Fucking Trees Friend Asking Around For Wood Like It Grows on Fucking Trees BUFFALO, N.Y. — Novice Settlers of Catan player Jason Meyers reportedly made repeated pleas for wood from his fellow players during a local game that…
January 21, 2019 Report: Rule Going Into Effect From Now On Report: Rule Going Into Effect From Now On ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A local game night was abruptly interrupted by the discovery that the group had been playing the board game Blood Rage without…
June 1, 2018 Sheep Can’t Believe He’s Being Traded for Fucking Wheat Sheep Can’t Believe He’s Being Traded for Fucking Wheat CATAN — After intense trade negotiations concluded late Wednesday on the geographically diverse archipelago of Catan, a sheep belonging to one of the German settlers…
April 25, 2018 Amazon Acquires Hasbro to Become Exclusive Seller of Monopoly Amazon Acquires Hasbro to Become Exclusive Seller of Monopoly SEATTLE — In a move widely expected by the industry, Amazon has acquired the board game giant Hasbro with the intention of being the singular…
February 27, 2018 Guy Who Bitched for Five Straight Hours Wins Board Game at Last Second Guy Who Bitched for Five Straight Hours Wins Board Game at Last Second BOSTON — After five brutal hours of incessant, imaginative bitching, the well-documented hater of “fruity-ass board games,” Sam Daniels, secured victory with an unexpected capture…
