blizzard

Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address

LAS VEGAS — Master heist organizer Danny Ocean has reportedly gathered a team of top criminals, acrobats, and smooth talkers…

3 years ago

Former StarCraft 2 Pro Has Highest Microsoft Excel APM in Office

SAN DIEGO — Former StarCraft 2 all-star Sergio Luna reportedly has the highest actions per minute (APM) in Microsoft Excel…

4 years ago

Nancy Pelosi Plays Single Match as Doomfist in Honor of Black Lives Matter

WASHINGTON — Nancy Pelosi played a match of Overwatch as the black character Doomfist earlier this morning to celebrate Black…

4 years ago

Following Patch, Overwatch Cereal Now Part of Well-Balanced Breakfast

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. —  Following criticism of the Overwatch themed breakfast cereal’s initial release, Kellogg’s announced that their Lucio Oh’s…

4 years ago

Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip

IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its…

6 years ago

Activision Blizzard CEO Cancels All Microtransactions After Being Visited by 2 Free Ghosts and an Additional Ghost for $3.99

When Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick awoke, it was so dark, he could scarcely distinguish the transparent window from the…

6 years ago

Man Who “Dips Toe” Back Into World of Warcraft Quickly Loses Job, Friends, Apartment

SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Casual World of Warcraft fan Michael Andor reportedly told friends that he was just looking dip…

6 years ago

Inspiring: This Overwatch Team Started Winning After Their Genji Called Everyone Gay and Left

Overwatch is a game won by strategy, skills, and a little bit of ol’ fashioned teamwork! That’s what makes this…

6 years ago

Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers

IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment's newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the…

7 years ago