June 22, 2021 Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address LAS VEGAS — Master heist organizer Danny Ocean has reportedly gathered a team of top criminals, acrobats, and smooth talkers in an attempt to break…
July 21, 2020 Former StarCraft 2 Pro Has Highest Microsoft Excel APM in Office Former StarCraft 2 Pro Has Highest Microsoft Excel APM in Office SAN DIEGO — Former StarCraft 2 all-star Sergio Luna reportedly has the highest actions per minute (APM) in Microsoft Excel of any of the data…
June 26, 2020 Nancy Pelosi Plays Single Match as Doomfist in Honor of Black Lives Matter Nancy Pelosi Plays Single Match as Doomfist in Honor of Black Lives Matter WASHINGTON — Nancy Pelosi played a match of Overwatch as the black character Doomfist earlier this morning to celebrate Black Lives Matter. “Black Live Matters…
June 17, 2020 Following Patch, Overwatch Cereal Now Part of a Well-Balanced Breakfast Following Patch, Overwatch Cereal Now Part of a Well-Balanced Breakfast BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Following criticism of the Overwatch themed breakfast cereal’s initial release, Kellogg’s announced that their Lucio Oh’s cereal has received a massive…
February 12, 2019 Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its 9,600 employees that had 8.3%…
December 25, 2018 Activision Blizzard CEO Cancels All Microtransactions After Being Visited by 2 Free Ghosts and an Additional Ghost for $3.99 Activision Blizzard CEO Cancels All Microtransactions After Being Visited by 2 Free Ghosts and an Additional Ghost for $3.99 When Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick awoke, it was so dark, he could scarcely distinguish the transparent window from the opaque walls of his chamber.…
August 13, 2018 Man Who “Dips Toe” Back Into World of Warcraft Quickly Loses Job, Friends, Apartment Man Who “Dips Toe” Back Into World of Warcraft Quickly Loses Job, Friends, Apartment SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Casual World of Warcraft fan Michael Andor reportedly told friends that he was just looking dip his toes back into the…
June 20, 2018 Inspiring: This Overwatch Team Started Winning After Their Genji Called Everyone Gay and Left Inspiring: This Overwatch Team Started Winning After Their Genji Called Everyone Gay and Left Overwatch is a game won by strategy, skills, and a little bit of ol’ fashioned teamwork! That’s what makes this next story a real heartwarming…
March 24, 2018 Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment’s newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the service is consistently incompetent and…
