bernie sanders

DNC Unplugs Bernie’s Controller

DES MOINES, Iowa — In a tight caucus match late last night, the DNC pulled out Senator Bernie Sanders' controller…

5 years ago

Nation Not Sure Normal-Type Candidate Even Worth Catching

CEDAR RAPIDS, Mich. — After months of deliberation during a contentious Democratic primary, voters are beginning to wonder whether a…

5 years ago

Bernie Sanders Promises All Little Brothers Will Get Turn on the PlayStation

CONCORD, N.H. — Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders announced his “Gaming for All” legislative plan, which would provide government-backed equal play…

5 years ago

This Is How Bernie Sanders Can Still Beat Avatar’s Box Office Record

This much is clear: Bernie Sanders is the only politician championing millennial nerds. From being the top sword-guy candidate to…

6 years ago

Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate

KAMI’S LOOKOUT — Sweating and breathing heavily from their strenuous efforts, sources confirmed Wednesday that Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator…

6 years ago

I’m Voting For Bernie Sanders Unless Another Candidate Proves They Have More Swords Than Him

The 2020 Democratic Primary race is shaping up to be a cutthroat march to the nomination. Well, it was, until…

6 years ago