April 9, 2020 Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter Bernie Sanders Receives Mysterious Letter BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly received a mysterious white letter with a red seal less than a day after announcing he was…
April 8, 2020 Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Opinion: Bernie Should Have Stayed in the Primary in Case He Won Every Bonus Star Bernie Sanders officially ended his bid for the White House today, ceding the Democratic nomination to former Vice President Joe Biden. Many have been calling…
March 18, 2020 Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems In our political climate, there is no lack of problems to be solved. Climate change, student loan debt, trade disputes. Bernie Sanders offers big ideas…
March 15, 2020 Bernie Sanders Calls on Nintendo to Release Animal Crossing Early Bernie Sanders Calls on Nintendo to Release Animal Crossing Early BURLINGTON, Vt. — In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Senator Bernie Sanders has called on Nintendo to preemptively release the much-anticipated Animal Crossing: New…
March 14, 2020 Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is being attacked by prominent Democrats today after he claimed he found Mew under a truck in his original playthrough…
March 10, 2020 Next Democratic Debate to Feature Hot Questions and Even Hotter Wings Next Democratic Debate to Feature Hot Questions and Even Hotter Wings PHOENIX — The Democratic National Committee released new qualification criteria for the upcoming debate on March 15th, requiring that participants be able to consume a…
March 5, 2020 Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution Moderates Attempt to Cancel America’s Evolution UNITED STATES — After years and countless experience points towards progression, America has finally reached a high enough level to evolve to its next form.…
February 20, 2020 I Cannot Endorse Bernie Sanders’ Proposed Wealth Tax Because He is Clearly Count Olaf in Disguise I Cannot Endorse Bernie Sanders’ Proposed Wealth Tax Because He is Clearly Count Olaf in Disguise One might think Bernie Sanders is an ideal presidential candidate, but this could not be further from the truth as he is actually the notorious…
February 12, 2020 CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest CNN Political Analysts Explain First Is the Worst, Second Is the Best, Third Is the One With the Hairy Chest NEW YORK — Political analysts sitting around the CNN roundtable explained to viewers today after the decisive New Hampshire primary that first is the worst,…
