November 21, 2020 āWith Great Power, Comes No Responsibility,ā Cop Tells Spider-Man āWith Great Power, Comes No Responsibility,ā Cop Tells Spider-Man NEW YORK ā New York police officer David Whitehead pulled Spider-Man aside today after teaming up to beat up a group of low-level drug dealers…
October 6, 2020 All Cops Are Bastards Even If They Can Collect All Five COMBO Letters While Scoring 12,376,400 Points All Cops Are Bastards Even If They Can Collect All Five COMBO Letters While Scoring 12,376,400 Points Alright, listen up. Iāve heard of you bootlicking posers that have been asking if this or that person is excused from the rule that all…
September 20, 2020 Police Desperate to Solve Murder Case Decide to āAsk Maddenā Police Desperate to Solve Murder Case Decide to āAsk Maddenā DENVER ā After exhausting all other leads and possible suspects, stumped Colorado law enforcement officials turned to the famous football coach, video game icon and…
August 17, 2020 Police Abduct Enough Protesters to Upgrade Unmarked Van with Cool Flame Skin Police Abduct Enough Protesters to Upgrade Unmarked Van with Cool Flame Skin PORTLAND, Ore. ā Police and federal troops have reportedly abducted enough protesters to upgrade their unmarked vans with a variety of cosmetic skins, according to…
July 30, 2020 New Call of Duty Game Imagines What If Russia Attacked Own Civilians in Fictional City of PŠ¤ŠÆŅ¬LŠŠD New Call of Duty Game Imagines What If Russia Attacked Own Civilians in Fictional City of PŠ¤ŠÆŅ¬LŠŠD SANTA MONICA, Calif. ā Activision announced that the next game in the Call of Duty franchise, Call of Duty: Uprising, will take place in the…
July 8, 2020 Police Department Assigns Peaceful Protestors Automatic Five-Star Wanted Level Police Department Assigns Peaceful Protestors Automatic Five-Star Wanted Level LOS SANTOS, Calif. ā In a move that local activists decried as the latest example of carceral state overreach, the Los Santos Police Department has…
July 8, 2020 New Sesame Street Episode Brought to You by the Letters ACAB New Sesame Street Episode Brought to You by the Letters ACAB NEW YORK āĀ Breaking tradition with the usual format of having episodes sponsored by single letters, a bruised, exhausted-looking Big Bird announced to viewers that weekās…
July 6, 2020 Report: Power Rangers Receive 0 Hours of Training Before Being Given Lethal Megazord Report: Power Rangers Receive 0 Hours of Training Before Being Given Lethal Megazord ANGEL GROVE, Calif. ā Despite receiving absolutely no training of any kind, the adolescent vigilante group āPower Rangersā were reportedly handed blasters and keys to…
July 5, 2020 Gotham Rules Batman Can Only Break One Limb on a Guy Gotham Rules Batman Can Only Break One Limb on a Guy GOTHAM CITY ā Gotham City has passed a controversial new bill that would restrict famed vigilante crime fighter Batman to only breaking a single limb…
