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Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting

METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after…

4 years ago

5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors

By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be…

4 years ago

Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks

PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario…

4 years ago

Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3

CLOCK TOWN, Termina —  Clock Town resident and Stock Pot Inn owner Anju, 17, reported confusion today after struggling to…

4 years ago

Nintendo Announces You Can Borrow Their Old Games But They’re Gonna Need Them Back

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced a collection of 3D Mario games from past generations coming to Nintendo Switch today, available…

4 years ago

Here Is Everything We Know So Far About 1996’s Nintendo 64

Released to much acclaim and commercial success back in 1996, the Nintendo 64 is a system that continues to captivate…

4 years ago

Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A millennial gamer who grew up with Pokémon Snap is excited to play the new Nintendo Switch…

5 years ago

Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World

PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the…

5 years ago

CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’

ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks…

5 years ago