November 9, 2020 Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after having jumped 12-feet into the…
September 29, 2020 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be released on Switch. Well, if…
September 25, 2020 Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario 64, reportedly unable to complete…
September 19, 2020 Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3 Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3 CLOCK TOWN, Termina — Clock Town resident and Stock Pot Inn owner Anju, 17, reported confusion today after struggling to remember what day it was…
September 3, 2020 Nintendo Announces You Can Borrow Their Old Games But They’re Gonna Need Them Back Nintendo Announces You Can Borrow Their Old Games But They’re Gonna Need Them Back KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced a collection of 3D Mario games from past generations coming to Nintendo Switch today, available to be borrowed from them…
August 30, 2020 Here Is Everything We Know So Far About 1996’s Nintendo 64 Here Is Everything We Know So Far About 1996’s Nintendo 64 Released to much acclaim and commercial success back in 1996, the Nintendo 64 is a system that continues to captivate the attention and imagination of…
June 17, 2020 Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt Millennial Excited to Return to Pokémon Snap With Photography Degree Under His Belt CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A millennial gamer who grew up with Pokémon Snap is excited to play the new Nintendo Switch version now that he has…
April 2, 2020 Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the crowd and through Leonardo da…
March 17, 2020 CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks of touching Mario’s face in…
