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Shrewd Businessman Scores Incredible Deal on 150,000 Crystals for Just $99.99


ARLINGTON, Texas — Local businessman Elmer Clarkson reportedly pulled off the deal of a lifetime, securing 150,000 crystals in the freemium game Heroes Saga for just $99.99.

“My heart was racing the whole time, I’ll admit, but it felt good to get this one in the books. 150,000 crystals for less than $100 is no small feat,” Clarkson revealed. “That’s 1,500 crystals per dollar, you see? Someone who’s not as business-savvy but wants to have 150,000 crystals would surely be suckered into buying 10,000 crystals for $9.99 fifteen times. That’s a classic rookie mistake for anyone playing Heroes Saga. Trust me, I have a business degree from the sixth best university in Texas, so I know how to count this stuff up.” 

When asked what he could do with the crystals, Clarkson’s eyes lit up.

“Buy the whole goddamn store worth of cosmetic items and skins,” Clarkson said. “This is premo stuff. They’re purely cosmetic — don’t affect gameplay one bit — but this stuff is top notch. I can’t resell any of it, but that doesn’t even matter, because what I can do is wear it on the battlefield. That’s huge.”

According to those familiar with the situation, the owners of Heroes Saga are scratching their heads trying to figure out how Clarkson was able to pull off such a crystal heist.

“When we included the option to buy so many crystals for $99.99, I guess we just never really thought someone would be bold enough to actually pull it off. Maybe that’s on us, though, for including that big flashing icon that said ‘BEST VALUE’ underneath the purchase button,” said Heroes Saga developer Yasmeen House. “I gotta hand it to him, he got us good. The production cost of each crystal is approximately $0, so he basically got infinite value out of the extra crystals he managed to pull in this deal. It’s gonna set us back for a while.”

At press time, Clarkson reportedly printed out an image of each of his 150,000 crystals to store in a safe in his apartment.