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Sakurai Confirms Captain Falcon’s Powers Come From Strong Faith in Jesus Christ


KYOTO, Japan — Super Smash Bros. creator Mashiro Sakurai shocked the gaming community today by finally announcing that fan favorite character Captain Falcon gets his powers from his strong faith in Jesus Christ. 

“People have been asking, and I finally decided to deliver,” Sakurai explained in a thread on Twitter. “I always knew he worshipped our eternal savior, and the only true explanation for a Falcon Kick of that power is inspiration from His divine sacrifice. In fact, the truth was always available to those who looked closely! Take Captain Falcon’s signature move, for example: Falcon Punch. FP. Clearly this is an allusion to First Psalms.” 

Super Smash Bros. Melee pro and Captain Falcon main Wizzrobe shared his opinion on the news.

“It’s always a great thing to know that after I die in a tournament, my character will be seated at the right hand of the Father, even if it’s digital,” Wizzrobe said. “It makes me take extra joy in using Captain Falcon to kill Jigglypuff, a heinous creation I can only imagine to be a servant of Satan.”  

Deacon Robert Ohlmeyer of Saint Gabriel the Archangel Church also weighed in on what this news means for Catholicism.

“We are always welcoming more people to worship at the feet of Christ,” Ohlmeyer said. “I just wish Sakurai could have anointed a cooler fighter. Catholic or not, I’m not changing my main from Samus. I’m still reeling from the time I found out she’s a girl.”

Despite universal praise of the announcement from Smash Bros fans, creator of Captain Falcon and the F-Zero series Takaya Imumara was reportedly disappointed upon hearing the news 

“He said what?” Imumara said. “What the fuck? He said what?” 

At press time, when asked what was next for the franchise, Sakurai revealed that a future Nintendo direct will feature a live Baptism of the Ice Climbers — something he wanted to do in the Wii U/3Ds era, but did not have the technology capability to complete.