CLEVELAND — Infamous criminal mastermind The Riddler announced that he was forced to take his word-play inspired capers to Cleveland, Ohio, following the skyrocketing cost of living prices in his hometown of Gotham, New Jersey.
“It’s not ideal, but I’m considering it an opportunity. I can already think of a bunch of fucked up shit to do with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” The Riddler told reporters at a press conference. “Gotham has always been great to me, but murder and puzzles just don’t pay the bills like they used to. Cleveland makes a lot more sense in the long run. They’re even offering me a tax break if I promote different Cleveland landmarks. I’ll blow up the Cleveland Indians Stadium, or hold someone hostage in Historic Little Italy. I’m not sure how Batman can afford to stay there with no income, but I’m confident someone in Ohio will rise to the occasion to foil my plots.”
“What has two legs, two arms, and a new outlook on life?” The Riddler asked reporters. “Me in a few months, hopefully.”
Frank G. Jackson, the mayor of Cleveland, commented on the supervillain’s moving plans.
“We could not be more excited to welcome Mr. Riddler to our great city, and think he will find a plethora of beautiful, yet historical institutions to terrorize,” Jackson said. “Cleveland doesn’t have a famous villain or murderer yet, and we are incredibly willing to let Mr. Riddler put us on the map. After all, Cleveland seems like the perfect place for The Riddler to reside. A crazy man who loves when things make no sense and are confusing and painful? That guy should live in Cleveland. I know everyone here will love the change of pace.”
At press time, Cleveland citizens seemed nonplussed at the villain’s plans to occupy their city, citing that they doubt that anyone could make Cleveland worse.