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Ring Fit Adventure Controller Currently Under Four Pizza Boxes


KINGSTON, N.Y. — Local gamer Eric Hollenbeck was surprised to find the controller for Nintendo’s Ring Fit Adventure under a stack of discarded Domino’s boxes in the corner of his apartment.

“Oh my God, I forgot I had this,” said Hollenbeck, picking up the controller and cracking open a beer with the other hand. “With all this extra time at home, I was going to start working out regularly. I guess that went out the window. I wonder if I can play Ring Fit with a pro controller while sitting on the couch…”

The discovery of the Ring-Con brought back bitter memories for Hollenbeck, who admitted he could barely pass the first level of the popular exercise game.

“Seriously, I was exhausted and sore after some light jogging and resistance training,” said Hollenbeck, who started a third Breath of the Wild save file instead. “If I can’t even handle the gamified version of exercise, what hope do I have? Maybe if Nintendo finds a way to gamify playing Ring Fit Adventure, I can get back into the swing of things. That’s gonna be my new year’s resolution: emailing Nintendo to suggest they figure out how to do that.”

Doug Sewell, Hollenbeck’s roommate, had no idea what to make of the peripheral.

“I’ve never seen Eric use that thing before. It’s for a video game?” said Sewell. “When he picked it up, I thought it was a steering wheel cover.”

Hollenbeck vowed to try the game again once he found the leg strap, which he believed to be under a pile of dirty laundry.