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Real Life Suicide Squad Goes to Movie Theater Unvaccinated


MADISON, Wisc. — A group of seven misfit friends excited to see movies in theaters again, despite not being vaccinated, have formed Suicide Squad of their own, according to sources.

“The first Suicide Squad was so good,” said a woman dressed in a 2016 Harley Quinn Halloween costume in a fake Brooklyn accent. “It won an Oscar, you know? I just love Harley Quinn. I love her cuz she’s like the Joker but a woman, you know? But she’s not defined by The Joker, she’s her own thing. She’s a free thinker like me and neither of us bad bitches would ever get vaxxed.” 

According to those familiar with the situation, one of the members of the group was dressed as King Shark, and spent his time before the movie started shouting incorrect answers at pre-show movie trivia.

Suicide Squad is a very smart movie with an anti-vax message embedded deep in it,” said King Shark taking a handful of popcorn from a bucket he and his buddies were sharing. “It’s about these cool, smart people who have something bad put inside them against their will by the government. Me and my friends are totally the Suicide Squad if you think about it. Number one: we’re a squad. Number 2: We’re anti-heroes, ‘cause of our political beliefs. Number 3: all of us have criminal records.”

Comic nerd Eric Chan came to the movie by himself wearing a mask and socially distanced himself as best he could. 

“Sometimes you can just tell when people are unvaccinated,” said Chan, a huge fan of John Ostrander’s Suicide Squad run. “The one dressed like Harley Quinn kept saying Harley would never wear a mask because she hasn’t been indoctrinated by liberal colleges. I wanted to tell her that Harleen Quinzel was actually a medical doctor, who would very likely wear a mask if she were still sane, but I bit my tongue. And that guy dressed like King Shark kept saying Suicide Squad was a rightwing film. If you’re paying attention, you would know that the movie obviously criticizes draconian rightwing prison systems. ” 

At press time, the entire local “suicide squad” managed to match the characters in the movie they were watching, as a result of every one of them surviving, while also killing all of the people in their vicinity.