October 20, 2020 Trump Refuses to Pass Controller After Character Dies Trump Refuses to Pass Controller After Character Dies WASHINGTON — Continuing his trend of bucking universally accepted social norms, President Donald Trump today announced his refusal to pass the controller to anybody else,…
October 1, 2020 Beto O’Rourke Skateboarding Game Has You Collect Letters P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L-C-O-W-A-R-D Beto O’Rourke Skateboarding Game Has You Collect Letters P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L-C-O-W-A-R-D EL PASO, Texas — Former United States representative Beto O’Rourke announced a new skateboarding video game that lets players collect the letters to spell out…
September 28, 2020 Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof SCHOOL II — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos demanded funding cuts after witnessing a professional skateboarder do a 360 kickflip into a high school…
September 12, 2020 Leaked Documents Show Trump Attempted to Hire Bugs Bunny to Saw Mexico Off From North America Leaked Documents Show Trump Attempted to Hire Bugs Bunny to Saw Mexico Off From North America WASHINGTON — Documents leaked by an anonymous whistleblower show that President Donald Trump attempted to hire Bugs Bunny for the purpose of sawing Mexico off…
September 7, 2020 Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Our nation’s schools are facing a crisis — not a crisis of health, but a crisis of fear. Parents, misinformed by the liberal media, seem…
August 27, 2020 Activision Announces New ‘Star Wars’ Game Activision Announces New ‘Star Wars’ Game SANTA MONICA — Activision revealed a new ‘Star Wars’ video game today entitled Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War, available late 2020. “We know…
August 21, 2020 Steve Bannon Arrested for Gobbling Up Skiers at Bottom of Hill Steve Bannon Arrested for Gobbling Up Skiers at Bottom of Hill WASHINGTON — Former Donald Trump advisor Steve Bannon was arrested yesterday on charges of reportedly devouring skiers at the bottom of a ski resort for…
August 18, 2020 Democrats Plead President Trump to Use #Ad When Promoting Private Businesses Democrats Plead President Trump to Use #Ad When Promoting Private Businesses WASHINGTON — Democrats in Congress have urged the President Donald Trump to include the hashtag “#Ad” when promoting any private businesses following recent tweets by…
August 18, 2020 Ocasio-Cortez Given Speedrun Slot at DNC Ocasio-Cortez Given Speedrun Slot at DNC MILWAUKEE — The Democratic National Committee has granted Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a “speedrun” slot at tonight’s convention to show off her skills in the Digestible…
