November 3, 2020 Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing him in under “president” on…
November 1, 2020 Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site Horrible Goose Caught Scaring Voters Away From Early Voting Site KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting that the polls are being…
October 30, 2020 Trump Administration Remains Silent on Rumored Melania Series X Trump Administration Remains Silent on Rumored Melania Series X WASHINGTON — Despite many pictures and sources alleging its development, the Trump administration has remained tight lipped about the heavily rumored Melania Series X. “There…
October 30, 2020 U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in Donkey Kong Country are expected…
October 26, 2020 Democrats Introduce Bill to Condemn Coronavirus Democrats Introduce Bill to Condemn Coronavirus WASHINGTON — Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer have introduced a bill that, if passed, would condemn COVID-19 as a “very…
October 25, 2020 Transphobe Who Claimed to Identify as Attack Helicopter Destroyed by U.S. Airforce Transphobe Who Claimed to Identify as Attack Helicopter Destroyed by U.S. Airforce WARMINSTER, Pa. — Local transphobe Graham Webb, 34, has reportedly died after an AGM-114 Hellfire Missile fired from an MQ-9 Reaper Drone owned by the…
October 24, 2020 Trump Criticized for Diverting Funding From Everybody Votes Channel to Check Mii Out Trump Criticized for Diverting Funding From Everybody Votes Channel to Check Mii Out WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump is facing criticism from Democratic leaders after announcing plans to divert funding from the Nintendo Wii’s Everybody Votes channel…
October 21, 2020 Jeb Bush Picks Horrible Night to Start Twitch Channel Jeb Bush Picks Horrible Night to Start Twitch Channel TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Famously unremarkable politician and former presidential nominee Jeb Bush began his new Twitch stream tonight in an unprecedented failure, debuting the same…
October 20, 2020 Claudia Conway Reveals Her Mom Pretended to Have COVID to Play Crash Bandicoot 4 Claudia Conway Reveals Her Mom Pretended to Have COVID to Play Crash Bandicoot 4 WASHINGTON — TikTok sensation Claudia Conway released a series of bombshell videos today revealing that her mother and close Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway lied about…
