September 9, 2017 Opinion: The Terrorists Only Win If We Let Them Change Our Way of Life or If They Hold This Base for Two Minutes Opinion: The Terrorists Only Win If We Let Them Change Our Way of Life or If They Hold This Base for Two Minutes Terrorism continues to be a looming threat our beloved country faces. The only way to effectively stand to its evil is to never let it…
September 4, 2017 Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult Our Interview with a Red Pikmin Who Escaped Captain Olimar’s Sex Cult For years, Captain Olimar has been seen as a beloved hero by the people of Hocotate for his ability to command the Pikmin and enrich…
September 3, 2017 President Trump Honored to Throw Out the First Slur at Call of Duty Tournament President Trump Honored to Throw Out the First Slur at Call of Duty Tournament PALO ALTO, Calif. — Organizers of Call of Duty World, one of the largest Call of Duty Tournaments in North America, announced that President Donald…
September 2, 2017 Player Stirs Controversy by Refusing to Stand During Madden’s Loading Screen Player Stirs Controversy by Refusing to Stand During Madden’s Loading Screen MADISON, Wis. — Local Twitch streamer Todd McCabe has caused an uproar by refusing to stand during the Madden 18 loading screen. The 32 year old gamer…
August 31, 2017 Age of Empire Villager Drafts 10-Page Memo to King Arguing Men Better Miners Age of Empire Villager Drafts 10-Page Memo to King Arguing Men Better Miners TEUTONS VILLAGE — An internal memo written by a Teutonic gold miner to his king arguing that male villagers are inherently more productive than their…
August 24, 2017 Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border Trump Enlists Lazy Video Game Designers to Build Invisible Wall Along Mexican Border BELLEVUE, Wash. — Video game developer Rare have announced a new project in partnership with the White House to build a immeasurably high invisible wall…
August 15, 2017 Bethesda Apologizes for Extremely Insensitive Wolfenstein ARG in Charlottesville Bethesda Apologizes for Extremely Insensitive Wolfenstein ARG in Charlottesville ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda Softworks, makers of the alternate reality Nazi-fighting game series Wolfenstein, has apologized for a recent augmented reality game tie-in. “Holy shit,…
August 15, 2017 New America’s Army Drone Warfare Expansion Features Suspiciously Lifelike Graphics New America’s Army Drone Warfare Expansion Features Suspiciously Lifelike Graphics SAN DIEGO, Cali. — Aerial Domination, the new drone-themed expansion pack for the Army-sponsored military shooter America’s Army, has earned acclaim for its bleeding-edge graphics,…
August 10, 2017 World Trembles as North Korea Hits 25 Kill Streak World Trembles as North Korea Hits 25 Kill Streak PYONGYANG, N.K. — Kim Jong-Un alarmed world leaders today after getting a 25 person kill streak, signifying his ability to launch a tactical nuke. Experts…
