November 29, 2017 “Why Would Anyone Live in Gotham?” Asks Guy in Country With Weekly Mass Shootings “Why Would Anyone Live in Gotham?” Asks Guy in Country With Weekly Mass Shootings BOULDER, Colo. — UC Boulder sophomore Eric Katowski inquired to a friend during a walk after a viewing of The Dark Knight Rises why any…
November 22, 2017 Military Drone Pilot Gives Trump Unplugged Controller to Play With Military Drone Pilot Gives Trump Unplugged Controller to Play With WASHINGTON — Military drone pilot 1st Lt. Juan Herrera was ordered by White House Chief of Staff John Kelly to give President Trump a Wiimote…
November 14, 2017 Alabama Senate Candidate Roy Moore Pledges to Make America Backwards Compatible Alabama Senate Candidate Roy Moore Pledges to Make America Backwards Compatible MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Roy Moore promised to bring his values to Washington by making the nation backwards compatible during a rousing speech from the state’s…
November 14, 2017 Opinion: GTA Exposed My Son to Unrealistic Portrayals of Quick and Affordable Hospital Visits Opinion: GTA Exposed My Son to Unrealistic Portrayals of Quick and Affordable Hospital Visits Recently I vowed to be a more present father during the weekends I have with my kid, and I was shocked to discover some of…
November 5, 2017 NFL Rookie Trying to Kneel During National Anthem Accidentally Goes Prone NFL Rookie Trying to Kneel During National Anthem Accidentally Goes Prone EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — In what appeared to be an attempt to show support for his teammates, New York Giants rookie running back Aaron Brockfeld…
November 3, 2017 New Call of Duty Will Feature Transgender Option That Immediately Bans You From Game New Call of Duty Will Feature Transgender Option That Immediately Bans You From Game SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision has announced today that they will add support for transgender characters in Call of Duty: WWII following increased demand for…
November 2, 2017 New Patch Replaces Kevin Spacey in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare with Tom Hanks New Patch Replaces Kevin Spacey in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare with Tom Hanks SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision announced a hot-fix today that would replace Kevin Spacey’s character in the 2014 video game Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare with…
October 23, 2017 Bad Dudes Unwilling to Rescue Current President Bad Dudes Unwilling to Rescue Current President WASHINGTON — Following the kidnapping of President Donald J. Trump by the dreaded DragonNinja, America’s usual first responders—Bad Dudes Steven “Blade” Moskowitz and Joshua “Striker”…
October 12, 2017 Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right Study Finds 80% of NES Characters Believe Earth is Flat, Only Moves to the Right BERKELEY, Calif. — A controversial U.C. Berkeley study found that 80% of classic Nintendo characters believe that the Earth is flat, and also only moves…
