August 10, 2018 Avoiding Controversy: Players in Madden 19 Do Not Have Knees Avoiding Controversy: Players in Madden 19 Do Not Have Knees MAITLAND, Fl. — In a major change for the incredibly successful series, player avatars in Madden 19 will reportedly feature legs without knees, a response…
August 3, 2018 The Escapist Publishes Completely Unbiased, Nonpolitical Review of Wolfenstein The Escapist Publishes Completely Unbiased, Nonpolitical Review of Wolfenstein After unsuccessfully wading into political waters the past couple of years, the popular video game website The Escapist is relaunching with a new mission and…
July 24, 2018 God Resigns After Discovery of Old Testament God Resigns After Discovery of Old Testament HEAVEN — Succumbing to public outcry after the shocking discovery of an Old Testament written by Himself, God, the Father Almighty creator of Heaven and…
July 21, 2018 Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot Fully Costumed Obama Pitches Netflix Execs on Blade Reboot LOS GATOS, Calif. — Early yesterday morning, a sword-wielding Barack Obama interrupted a meeting of high-ranking Netflix executives while wearing a tight leather trench coat,…
July 2, 2018 Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court WASHINGTON — Democrats in the Senate were unable to block President Trump’s replacement for departing Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, resulting in the confirmation of…
June 27, 2018 White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card White Guy Doesn’t Have Enough Mana to Play Race Card CHICAGO — Local nerd Chris Patson found himself in a tight spot this morning during a political argument with his African American friend Carla Stevenson…
June 25, 2018 ACLU Publicly Drops Support for First Amendment After Discovering Sonic Fan Art ACLU Publicly Drops Support for First Amendment After Discovering Sonic Fan Art NEW YORK — In a press conference today, American Civil Liberties Union president Susan N. Herman announced that the organization will “reconsider and reexamine” its…
June 23, 2018 Skaters Outraged After THPS Warehouse Converted to Luxury Apartments Skaters Outraged After THPS Warehouse Converted to Luxury Apartments WOODLAND HILLS, Calif. — Protests outside the former Tony Hawk Pro Skater level “Warehouse” entered their third day as local skaters are livid over its…
June 22, 2018 Newly Created US Space Force Ganked by EVE Online Player With $3,000 Ship Newly Created US Space Force Ganked by EVE Online Player With $3,000 Ship HIGH EARTH ORBIT — The United States’ new Space Force, announced by President Trump this week, suffered a crushing defeat today at the hands of…
