PHOENIX — The Democratic National Committee released new qualification criteria for the upcoming debate on March 15th, requiring that participants be able to consume a series of progressively spicier hot wings while answering topical questions.
“You know. I believe this is a great step forward for the DNC and our primaries process,” said Senator Bernie Sanders. “What better way to put myself in the shoes of the working class — eating hotter and hotter buffalo wings as a representation of the increasingly difficult struggles which working families are forced to face today. I look forward to seeing how Vice President Joe Biden, who is a good friend of mine, answers questions on his vote for the Iraq War while wincing in pain from an especially hot chicken wing.”
The Democratic presidential debate will be hosted on the First We Feast YouTube page and will likely determine the outcome of the rest of the primary.
“Listen here, Jack,” exclaimed Biden in an interview on MSNBC this morning. “This spicy O-Obama is an ace in the horse’s shoe. My teeth mean business and Sanders wrote a check his mouth can’t cash. We’re gonna win this dang thing and then we’re gonna ride it all the way to big one, the pony show.”
At press time, Moderator Sean Evans was seen trying on hoodies and mixing Da Bomb hot sauce into his coffee in preparation for the debate.
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