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“Politics Are Ruining Video Games,” Says Person Ruining Video Games


CHICAGO — Local gaming enthusiast Mike Johnston, who is actively ruining video games for everyone, recently took to his blog to write about politics and how they are the main thing ruining video games these days.

“Video games used to be good but now every developer can’t help but shove their politics down our throats,” said Johnston, who was recently banned from Twitter for harassing female game journalists and sending death threats to voice actresses. “If they could keep their politics to themselves, there’d be no problem.”

Johnston wrote the post for his blog, Mike’s Musings, in between review bombing The Last of Us Part Two (“For old times’ sake”) and doxing a programmer for having pronouns in their Twitter bio. Upon finishing the article, he logged onto YouTube and spent the rest of the evening searching for videos about David Cage in order to write comments defending his behavior. 

“I play games to relax, right? If I wanted to see gays or see black people, I’d watch the news, or go outside,” he wrote in his blog, which as of this writing does not currently have any regular readers. “The next thing you know, Sonic the Hedgehog will be Trans or something. It’s all politics.”

Johnston’s roommate, Carl Snail, confirmed he had never seen him read a newspaper or watch the news, and as far as he knew he’d never voted. 

“I’m pretty sure he still thinks Obama is president,” said Snail. “The other day I heard him complaining that TV was better before all this political stuff, but it turned out he was just watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

At press time, Johnston posted a follow up post remembering the simple joys of playing apolitical games like Metal Gear Solid, Bioshock, and Papers, Please.