January 14, 2022 Opinion: I Feel Safer Knowing Kirby Owns a Gun Opinion: I Feel Safer Knowing Kirby Owns a Gun This week, Nintendo released new footage of Kirby: The Forgotten Land featuring the titular pink puffball character displaying a new copy ability: the right to…
January 14, 2022 Catholic Kid CONFIRMED??? Catholic Kid CONFIRMED??? You’re gonna want to sit down for this one! After years of speculation, Hard Drive has acquired footage from a private conference at Reaching Souls…
January 13, 2022 Shocking Interview Reveals Matt Damon Thinks ‘The Martian’ Really Happened to Him Shocking Interview Reveals Matt Damon Thinks ‘The Martian’ Really Happened to Him LOS ANGELES — A recent interview with Variety has revealed that actor Matt Damon apparently thinks the events of 2015’s blockbuster sci-fi film The Martian…
January 13, 2022 DLC Unlocks Expansive New Region of Chores DLC Unlocks Expansive New Region of Chores MONTREAL — Reviews have been favorable for the paid expansions to Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, with gamers praising the vast, colorful new landscapes, dense with chores.…
January 12, 2022 BREAKING: Flamethrower Guy Has Thing on His Back You Can Shoot BREAKING: Flamethrower Guy Has Thing on His Back You Can Shoot JUST OUTSIDE THE CAPITOL — Reconnaissance from the makeshift battlefield has confirmed that the guy with the huge flamethrower just wrecking all of us right…
January 11, 2022 Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron Gamer Who Just Bought ‘Pokémon Shining Pearl’ Suddenly Really Concerned About Going Outside During Omicron CHARLOTTE, N.C. — In the weeks since buying Pokémon Shining Pearl for the Nintendo Switch, local gamer Calvin Palmer has expressed increasing concern about leaving…
January 11, 2022 First Edition Card Has Seen Some Shit First Edition Card Has Seen Some Shit SAN FRANCISCO — A rare, first edition printing of the Magic: the Gathering card Time Walk recently posted on eBay has quite clearly seen some…
January 11, 2022 Man Binging New Podcast Reaches the One After Trump Got Elected Man Binging New Podcast Reaches the One After Trump Got Elected NEW YORK — A man binge-listening to the backlog of his new favorite podcast has finally gotten to the one right after Trump got elected,…
January 10, 2022 Actor Robert Durst, Star of HBO’s The Jinx, Dead at 78 Actor Robert Durst, Star of HBO’s The Jinx, Dead at 78 NEW YORK — Following the tragic losses of fellow actor/comedians Betty White and Bob Sagat, 78-year-old actor Robert Durst, best known for his starring role…
