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Nintendo Sues Guy for Saying They Should Put N64 Games on the Switch


DALLAS — The notoriously litigious Nintendo corporation has set its sights on their latest target: a guy who was recently overheard saying they should really get some Nintendo 64 games up on Nintendo Switch’s online service. 

“Boy, I’m in deep shit now,” said Ernest Wall, who made the declaration without realizing it would make its way to Nintendo’s lawyers. “I didn’t realize talking about what they should do with their properties would be enough to get dinged for a lawsuit, but honestly with Nintendo I should’ve expected it. Lawyer says there’s no way these charges stick, but even so, it’s gonna be a long couple of months dealing with this shit. So much for my trip up north next month. Instead I have to appear in court and testify that I am not doing game piracy.”

The lawsuit is the latest in a series that have seen Nintendo target ROM sites and fan made games, among other perceived invasions of their IP.

“These Nintendo games are Nintendo products, simple as that,” said Austin Jennings, a lawyer representing Nintendo in the lawsuit. “That means the unlawful reproduction, manufacturing, selling, manipulating, or just generally talking out loud about what we could be doing with them all are all violations of our intellectual property rights. How are we supposed to do our jobs when we are under such constant attack?”

Many in the gaming community echo the opinion that Nintendo has been underwhelming with their online selection of classic titles lately. 

“Look, don’t get me wrong, there’s some really great throwback stuff on the Switch already,” said someone who was into it. “Some of the best titles in gaming history. But those have all been there for a while at this point. In the meantime we’re getting shit like Jelly Boy and Spanky’s Quest while these assholes are sitting on Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. Maybe stop suing everybody and get on that, I don’t know.” 

As of press time, Nintendo apologized for not yet having Nintendo 64 titles available online, and said they would make it up to players by giving them six SNES games they’ve never heard of next month, up from the usual three.