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NBA Preemptively Adds Rule That Says Furries Can’t Play Basketball


NEW YORK — To get ahead of any confusion stemming from the Air Bud franchise, the NBA has issued a new regulation saying furries can’t play in the league.

“Nothing against furries, necessarily — we just don’t want anybody getting the wrong idea. This is a league for humans, like LeBron James, and canines, like Air Bud,” said commissioner Adam Silver, after a meeting of the NBA competition committee. “It’s the thing with the costumes that we’re trying to head off here. None of that, please. Because, to be clear, there’s still nothing in the rules that says a dog can’t play basketball. That won’t be changing anytime soon.”

When asked about who qualifies as a “furry” under the rule, Silver was hesitant to give specifics.

“We’re still working out exactly how to phrase it in the rulebook, but basically, we know it when we see it,” said Silver, who reportedly studied thousands of fan drawings and photos from furry conventions. “Are we going to check a player’s search history for anything suspicious? No. Are we going to check their Twitter avatar? Absolutely, yes.”

Members of the furry fandom accused the league of discrimination, given that the rules remain ambiguous about other groups, including actual dogs, as well as birds, fish, ghosts, inanimate objects, disembodied limbs, and gamers.

“On behalf of my fursona, Sir Bigsby McHaddenTail, I just want to say this rule is total bullshit,” said Patricia Forsyth, 47, a local paralegal and Reddit mod. “Sir Bigsby has never heard of basketball, of course, as all the sports in his kingdom involve group sex. But he’d like to know that the option is open to him in the future.”

At press time, the rule had been put on temporary hold after James Harden was revealed to have a “highly suspect” DeviantArt account.