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Nation Comes Together in Moment of Grand Unity Over Feeling Weird and Sad About Chris Chan


UNITED STATES — Members of all political parties and allegiances came together in a moment of unity following the arrest of Sonichu creator Chris Chan on an incest charge, citing feelings of weirdness and sadness about the situation.

“I saw it trending on Twitter, so I said ‘uh oh!’ and clicked and saw what happened… and I just deflated. I stood up and walked out of my house onto the street and to my surprise, found that all of my neighbors had done the same,” said Massachusetts resident Taryn Franks. “I found myself talking to people I hadn’t spoken to in years. People who I disagree with on every major political and cultural issue in the world. But on that day, we just talked — not about politics, but about our lives. There was something bigger going on that we knew transcended petty arguments. The Chris Chan thing, to be clear.”

Around the nation, people have experienced similar situations following the arrest.

“I’m as rightwing as it gets. Hell, even I admit I’ve said some pretty nasty stuff about trans people. But I can’t pin this on them… it’s just not fair,” said Alabama resident Leo Jarvis. “In this moment, we need to forget our differences, even the ones that make other people inherently less than me, and remember that we’re all Americans. We’re all going through this moment together.”

“I’m a Clinton/Biden voter and my parents are Trump supporters. I swore off all communication with them after the 2016 election, but I felt like I had to just call them up today,” said California resident Harlen Beech. “They had just seen the news on Fox — it’s a crazy day that none of us will ever forget. I don’t know how long it will take for us to mend our relationship, but it’s going to be a long journey. In some sick way, I think I need to thank Chris Chan.”

When asked to comment, Chris Chan sent a lengthy message that made us think, “nah we’re not gonna put that on a website.”