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MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an effort to cheese the course and end up in first place, veteran Mario Kart racer Yoshi attempted the elusive Rainbow Road jump, only to come up just short without insurance or roadside assistance to cover him.

“Yeah, you see this kind of thing all the time,” Lakitu said, grabbing his fishing pole. “Guy wants to get ahead of Mario, uses a Super Mushroom to try to boost over the jump, and realizes he overshot it, undershot it, angled it the wrong way, whatever. Next thing you know, I gotta come out there on my cloud, fish him outta space, and tell him the bad news that a jump like this is gonna cost a whole lot more than three coins.”

Other racers who took the traditional path while noticing Yoshi’s leap of faith were in awe at the very concept of it.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” said Bowser, finishing the race in 6th place. “Landing a jump like that would guarantee you the winning spot. But missing a shortcut that the developers didn’t plan in the game? That’s gonna make your insurance rates skyrocket.”

Yoshi’s miscalculation would eventually land him a spot in last place, but it wasn’t all for nothing.

“I won without cutting corners, but surprising no one,” said Toad, who completed the race in 1st place. “People want to see someone win, and win big. Taking a risk like that, and winning, would be an exciting feat for anyone to watch. While I did finish in first place after using a lightning bolt to shock all of my opponents turning them tiny and slow, it was simply a victory we’ve all seen before countless times. I couldn’t even beat my time trial ghost.”

At press time, Yoshi was still barreling through space while waiting for his insurance premiums to kick in.