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Kinda Scary: Friend Still Talking About How Thanos Had a Point


VICTORVILLE, Calif. — According to close friends who are a little frightened by the behavior, local accountant Craig Rubio is still talking about how Avengers villain Thanos had a point in movies that came out upwards of three years ago.

“Look, I don’t think the fact that Craig continues to praise Thanos’s thoughts on population control is an issue for the authorities,” remarked Craig’s drinking buddy Marcus Wright, referencing Thanos’s plan to kill half the world’s population in Avengers: Infinity War (2018). “But I definitely avoid talking about China’s one-child policy with him.”

While most MCU fans have moved on to talking about the new Disney+ series Loki or the movie Black Widow, Craig’s friends report that he has never stopped talking about the last two Avengers movies.

“At first he was just parroting the same talking points everyone else was making at the time of Infinity War’s release, you know, about how Thanos was ‘actually kind of the protagonist’ and how the film was ‘really his hero’s journey.’ It was annoying but we didn’t think anything of it,” explained Craig’s co-worker Dana Lee. “But it’s been like three years since that movie came out and he still constantly brings up Thanos’s relationship with Gamora. The way he tears up talking about it certainly demonstrates a worrisome ability to overlook kidnapping and mass murder.”

According to Craig’s dwindling friend group, Craig saw Avengers: Infinity War six times in theaters and, even though he was reportedly “furious” about how Thanos’s story resolved in Avengers: Endgame, he hasn’t stopped quoting either movie since. 

“It’s one thing to hear him say things like ‘Perfectly balanced, as all things should be,’” explained a former college classmate of Craig’s, who wished to remain anonymous. “But it’s extremely disconcerting to hear an adult man keep saying ‘I am inevitable’ completely out of context.” 

And while Craig’s friends said they wished he would move on and see any other movies, they admitted things could be worse.

“I try to look on the bright side,” said Wright. “At least he’s not talking about how it made sense when Walter White poisoned that child in Breaking Bad.”