ORLANDO, Fla. — A recently resumed classroom was the site of an ugly situation yesterday, as a group of Marvel Cinematic Universe fans reportedly bullied local student Rory Hughes after he was seen reading a comic book.
“What are you reading, you fucking loser?” asked Ty King, 11, as he pummeled Hughes on the ground. “Looks like four eyes over here hasn’t ever heard of Disney+. Hey guys, help me get Bookie’s book away from him then he’ll HAVE to watch the movies. This total dork. Why would you read a comic book adaptation of a movie, anyway?”
The children reportedly had no idea just how quickly Marvel properties had transitioned from being considered nerdy to the mainstream status they’ve known all their lives.
“Things have changed so much around here,” said Ron Bass, a sixth grade Algebra teacher. “When I was a kid, if I was seen reading a Guardians of the Galaxy comic, I just got beat up for being a nerd, not for consuming Marvel stuff the wrong way. I’m not even sure what these kids are getting so mad about; they seem like pretty big fans! I saw them beat a kid for not understanding the consequences of the finale of one of the Disney+ series.”
The victim of the bullying reportedly didn’t expect that his chosen method of enjoying everyone’s favorite characters would draw the ire of his classmates.
“I don’t get it, everyone’s got either a Captain America backpack or Black Panther T-shirt, why do I keep getting taunted for merely reading the source material,” asked Hughes, shortly after the incident occured. “They tell me I’m making them look like a bunch of nerds by association and that if I don’t start ranking the movies or talking about the trailers for the new stuff that’s coming out, they’re gonna keep kicking the shit out of me. Maybe I should just start playing Roblox.”
As of press time, Hughes had started tucking his Marvel comic books into DC comic books so as not to draw the rage of the MCU kids.