Tags

neopets

NEOPIA CENTRAL, Neopia — Local internet user Vanessa Meroney returned to the once-popular website Neopets.com yesterday after a 15-year hiatus, and was reportedly surprised to find her virtual pet alive, thriving, and enrolled in Neopia Community College, where it hoped to learn the necessary skills to launch some kind of business career.

Meroney recounted the moment of reunion with her Kacheek, after a desperate search through the desolate website to find her lost pet.

“I scrolled through page after page of the Neopet Pound looking for him. I remembered his name was like, ‘neowitch_00092’ or ‘neob1tch38’ or something like that, but there were so many similar ones that I eventually gave up,” said Meroney. “But then I just stumbled upon him reading a book under a tree in Neopian Plaza.”

Dressed in a scarf, glasses, and sensible rose gold paint brush, Kacheek described the struggle he faced after his abandonment 15 years earlier.

“It was hard. The word ‘dying’ appeared below me in red and I knew I couldn’t get any lower,” said the Kacheek, staring out the window of his small, tastefully decorated apartment. “I used public services like the Money Tree and Giant Omelette to survive and scrape together enough funds to attend community college. I’m getting my Associate of Business. I don’t really know what I’m gonna do with it, but I can probably apply it to whatever.”

When pressed for more detail, the Kacheek was reluctant.

“You know,” he said. “Like, a lot of things.”

A representative for local law enforcement, just a Chia in a police hat, reported that Meroney’s remaining Neopets have not been so lucky.

“Sadly the rest of Meroney’s Neopets, three Scorchios all named different variations of ‘Orlando Bloom + lover,’ have not been accounted for. Neighbors in the area report that they may have been recruited into a Faerie Quest crime ring in exchange for food and shelter.”

Inspired by the reunion with her Kacheek, Meroney tried to play some minigames to get enough Neopoints to care for a new set of pets. Unfortunately, she was barred from entry due to her out-of-date Flash Player, and went back to browsing Twitter.

We’ve launched a brand new podcast network. Check out the newest episode of the Hard Drive podcast where we watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!