We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones

We here at Hard Drive, but also we as a culture, have spent a lot of time focusing on Nintendo’s scraggly purple stick man, Waluigi. Waluigi is fun. He’s a twist on a twist on Mario, the most iconic video game character of all time. Waluigi represents a wicked sense of humor, frustration at not being included in the cool Bros club, and loving tennis. He’s also purple, which as we all know, is the color of royalty.

But all things must resolve, and as the world continues to change, so must our video game culture; Waluigi’s time in the spotlight must come to an end.

From now on, Hard Drive will be 100% all in on Dry Bones. We’re balls-to-the-walls Dry Bones. We’re a Dry Bones stan website.

What is Dry Bones? Relegated to just one line of information on the Wikipedia page for “Characters In The Mario Franchise” under “Recurring enemies,” Dry Bones is a skeleton Koopa Troopa that reassembles itself after being hit. But he’s also much more than that.

Dry Bones is a tennis player. He’s a go-kart racer. He’s a friend.

We all know Dry Bones for his coy, sharp wit, but he also has a softer side. Here is a short list of things that we like about Dry Bones:

• He is a spooky skeleton man year-round. Halloween doesn’t end for Dry Bones.
• He is a non-speaking Bowser minion who got elevated to tennis and go-kart friend level. Big moves!
• Sometimes he has wings, like an adorable angel of death.
• He’s the kind of mild-mannered skeleton who still feels the need to wear shoes and gloves.
• He reminds us that, when you get knocked down, all you have to do is reassemble yourself and get back up again. He is the living embodiment of the song “Tubthumping”.
• He implies that bones are wet, which, for the most part, they are.
• His name kind of sounds like a different version of the term “dry hump.”

At the end of the day, Dry Bones represents a world of possibility for our culture. Waluigi’s reign has been good for us all, but if we want other characters to be able to expand their skeleton bodies of work, we need to make the space for them to do so. We need to be proactive about our efforts to give them that room. And sometimes, we have to say goodbye to our good friends for a while.

So goodbye, Waluigi. We’ll meet again one day, I’m sure. But just as 2013 was The Year of Luigi, November 2020 and beyond begins the Era of Dry Bones. Long live Dry Bones. If Dry Bones isn’t added to Smash Bros this DLC pack, I’ll kill myself, etc.

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