TAMPA, Fla. — Local video game speedrunner Lulu Gardner reportedly changed her boyfriend’s language to Japanese in order to get through an argument with him quicker.
“Every speedrunner knows that Japanese is the quickest language for dialogue and luckily for me, my boyfriend is multilingual,” Gardner explained. “I’ve run this argument with Jake hundreds of times, so I have the timing down perfectly. Once you get passed the early stages, which require some really tricky maneuvering, the rest is pretty easy sailing. Honestly, I think I was on world record pace for a while.”
“Anyway, no, I don’t want to clean the dishes,” she added.
Gardner’s boyfriend, Jake Ortiz, was dismayed to have his language changed midway through the fight, according to those familiar with the situation.
“I don’t know what she did, but now I’m stuck like this in Japanese,” Ortiz said through a translator. “I don’t understand why she has to speed through all of our conversations, when she can just speed through doing the dishes. Wouldn’t that be a better use of her time? We’re supposed to take turns and I did it the last six times. Now I have to do the dishes in Japanese.”
As of press time, Gardner was reportedly working on a new exploit she discovered called Argument-Skip that allows her to use a glitch called “nananana I’m not listening” to clip through future fights entirely.
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