The console wars are still a reality in the gaming world. Every year people rely on impartial reviewers to tell them which piece of hardware should win their paycheck for the next couple years. I do not take this responsibility lightly. After much deliberation and consideration, I can finally say with complete objectivity that Sony’s PlayStation 5 has won an important battle: it is the definitive console for playing PlayStation 5 games.
Being able to play PS5 games is admittedly only a recent addition to the average gamer’s console wishlist. While Sony’s previous console, the PlayStation 4, was widely well-received, critics couldn’t help but notice that it was missing the ability to play PS5 games, something fans have been asking for since the release of the PlayStation 2.
The testing for the PS5’s competition was thorough and unbiased. I used a standard copy of Spiderman: Miles Morales, a cornerstone PS5 launch title, and tried it on some of the other household appliances that threatened the PlayStation’s market share. First, I went right for the toaster. While the toaster’s dual-slot compliance seemed up to the task initially, the hardware just couldn’t handle Spiderman’s graphics, and it spit out a crisp copy of the game disc. Other trials were tested, and even on the “bagel” setting, the toaster pales in comparison to the Sony monolith in my living room.
Next, I went for the most logical competitor to the PlayStation 5’s hardware: my own human mouth. While my mouth initially accepted the PS5 disc, upon trying to swallow my body ran into some kind of system error, and I threw up shards all over my carpet.
Rest easy, gamers, as the PlayStation 5 is bar none the best console for playing PS5 games. In the interest of journalistic integrity, I should disclaim that I was actually unable to get my hands on a PS5 thus far, as I have neither the funds nor patience to acquire one, but through my powers of deduction I have concluded the PlayStation 5 to be the frontrunner for the console debate for its unparalleled ability to play PS5 games.
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