July 27, 2020 Moronic Dataminers Thrilled After Discovering Luigi In ‘Super Mario 64 DS’ Moronic Dataminers Thrilled After Discovering Luigi In ‘Super Mario 64 DS’ NEW YORK — Following a string of leaks of early builds and scrapped ideas for beloved Nintendo games, the emulation and modding community has been…
July 27, 2020 Ad Making Offensive Insinuation About What You Want to Do in This Game Ad Making Offensive Insinuation About What You Want to Do in This Game ATLANTA — According to several users of file downloading services and illegal streaming sites, an advertisement featuring a buxom CGI woman with the caption “You’re…
July 26, 2020 Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store CARY, N.C. — Building on their catalogue of exclusive video games, the Epic Games store announced a multi-billion dollar deal to become the world’s only…
July 26, 2020 San Francisco Installs Spikes to Deter Homeless People and Sonic the Hedgehog San Francisco Installs Spikes to Deter Homeless People and Sonic the Hedgehog SAN FRANCISCO — The city of San Francisco has installed spikes in public spaces and on buildings in order to discourage camping from homeless people…
July 25, 2020 Gamer Dad Proudly Shows Off Son’s PlayStation Trophies Gamer Dad Proudly Shows Off Son’s PlayStation Trophies AVON, Conn. — Local gamer and father Byron Phelps proudly flaunted his son Bradley’s video game talents in front of the boy’s new girlfriend by…
July 25, 2020 RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay RPG Quests Distract Player From Hours of Riveting Menu Gameplay WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — After sinking a solid weekend into the RPG Manifest Beyond, local gamer Mallory Cruz began to realize that the game’s elaborate…
July 23, 2020 Valorant Player a Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too Valorant Player a Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen continues to frustrate his friends with a total lack of awareness and poor decision-making both in Riot Games’…
July 23, 2020 Racist JRPG Fan Casts Heal on Entire Party Whenever Black Character Injured Racist JRPG Fan Casts Heal on Entire Party Whenever Black Character Injured BOSTON — Offending his viewers by asserting that all of his characters’ hit points matter equally, JRPG enthusiast and known racist William Jepsen came under…
July 21, 2020 Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While Disgraced ‘Smash Bros.’ Player Announces Hiatus, Plans to Main Self for a Little While SEATTLE — Tyler Wendell, the latest pro Super Smash Bros. player accused of sexual misconduct, has announced that he will be taking some time off…
