September 11, 2020 Ubisoft Announces ‘Prince of Persia’ Remake in Effort to Rewind Time to Before They Fucked Up Ubisoft Announces ‘Prince of Persia’ Remake in Effort to Rewind Time to Before They Fucked Up MONTREUIL, France — As part of their UbiForward presentation showcasing their upcoming releases, French game developer Ubisoft announced that they’re currently working on an enhanced…
September 10, 2020 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced that the new Xbox All Access monthly subscription would include an Xbox Series X console, EA Play, Game Pass, Xbox…
September 9, 2020 Guy Who Was Just Talking About Taking a Huge Shit Keeps Getting Facebook Ads for Anthem Guy Who Was Just Talking About Taking a Huge Shit Keeps Getting Facebook Ads for Anthem OKLAHOMA CITY — Local bathroom occupant Dan Corrigan has reportedly been plagued by incessant social media ads for Anthem, EA’s failed 2019 shooter, ever since…
September 7, 2020 Fall Guys Developers Somberly Report Every Time Your Jellybean Falls, It Dies Permanently Fall Guys Developers Somberly Report Every Time Your Jellybean Falls, It Dies Permanently LONDON — Developers at Mediatonic have somberly revealed to fans that every time you lose a match in their hit battle royale Fall Guys, your…
September 7, 2020 Employees Returning to Work for First Time in Months Discover Office Overrun by Weeds Employees Returning to Work for First Time in Months Discover Office Overrun by Weeds TAMPA, Fla. — Employees returning to the local offices of Seabass Accounting & Tax Services this week were reportedly shocked to discover their cubicles overrun…
September 7, 2020 Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Opinion: Pikmin 3 Deluxe Re-Release Comes Just in Time to Teach Children the Value of Mass Sacrifice Our nation’s schools are facing a crisis — not a crisis of health, but a crisis of fear. Parents, misinformed by the liberal media, seem…
September 6, 2020 Shitty Mobile Game Ad More Fun Than Shitty Mobile Game It Interrupted Shitty Mobile Game Ad More Fun Than Shitty Mobile Game It Interrupted WARRENTON, Mo. — In a revelation that made him question his instincts, local gamer Kevin Lanigan recently realized that the shitty mobile game ad he…
September 3, 2020 Halo Infinite Harkens Back to the Series’ Roots by Letting Players Collect 25 Computer Parts to Upgrade Grappling Hook Halo Infinite Harkens Back to the Series’ Roots by Letting Players Collect 25 Computer Parts to Upgrade Grappling Hook REDMOND, Wash. — 343 released new information about their upcoming game Halo Infinite today that shows it harkens back to the series’ roots by letting…
September 3, 2020 New Warzone Update Lets You Avoid War Entirely if You Find Enough Cash New Warzone Update Lets You Avoid War Entirely if You Find Enough Cash ENCINO, Calif. — The most recent update to the Call of Duty: Warzone lets players permanently escape participating in ground combat if they are able…