September 24, 2020 Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Is First Game in Series to Feature Completely Destructible Economy Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Is First Game in Series to Feature Completely Destructible Economy LOS ANGELES — As part of GamesCon 2020’s Opening Night Live event, Treyarch’s studio design director, David Vonderhaar, confirmed that Call of Duty: Black Ops…
September 22, 2020 Dad Getting Tired of Cleaning Rupees Out of Lawnmower Dad Getting Tired of Cleaning Rupees Out of Lawnmower BEAVERCREEK, Ohio — Local father Stu Campbell is reportedly fed up with having to clean hundreds of rupees out of his lawnmower every time he…
September 22, 2020 Geneticists Raise Ethical Questions After Successfully Creating Echo Fighter of Sheep Geneticists Raise Ethical Questions After Successfully Creating Echo Fighter of Sheep EDINBURGH, Scotland — In a huge scientific breakthrough that also raises many ethical questions, geneticists at the University of Edinburgh’s Roslin Institute announced yesterday that…
September 22, 2020 Gamer Needs to Gamify Playing Video Games In Order to Get Through Gaming Gamer Needs to Gamify Playing Video Games In Order to Get Through Gaming PHILADELPHIA — Local gamer Carla Ward reportedly needs to trick herself into finishing video games by gamifying them in order to get through her daily…
September 21, 2020 Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi Nintendo in Panic Mode After Microsoft Acquires Luigi KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has reportedly entered a full state of panic with executives blindsided after Microsoft announced that it had acquired Luigi. “How is…
September 21, 2020 New Zelda Game’s Firm Place in Timeline Leaves Youtuber Unsure What to Spend Next Year of Life Obsessing Over New Zelda Game’s Firm Place in Timeline Leaves Youtuber Unsure What to Spend Next Year of Life Obsessing Over OSLO, Norway — YouTuber Konleith Narvesen is reportedly at a complete loss following the announcement that the newest Zelda game, Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity,…
September 21, 2020 Vast, Empty Field Elects New Mayor Vast, Empty Field Elects New Mayor NEWCITY02 — Voters have apparently grown tired of living in a featureless meadow, as a first-time runner has secured a landslide victory after repeated campaign…
September 20, 2020 Raccoon City Police Department Bans Controversial ‘Move While Aiming’ Technique Raccoon City Police Department Bans Controversial ‘Move While Aiming’ Technique RACCOON CITY — The embattled Raccoon Police Department has officially banned the force’s unpopular ‘move while aiming,’ technique, Chief of Police Brian Irons confirmed today.…
September 20, 2020 Police Desperate to Solve Murder Case Decide to ‘Ask Madden’ Police Desperate to Solve Murder Case Decide to ‘Ask Madden’ DENVER — After exhausting all other leads and possible suspects, stumped Colorado law enforcement officials turned to the famous football coach, video game icon and…
