November 16, 2020 Teen Inspired to Reenact Video Game Violence in Real Life Can’t Get Seed Funding to Build Roller Coaster Teen Inspired to Reenact Video Game Violence in Real Life Can’t Get Seed Funding to Build Roller Coaster BOISE, Idaho — Troubled sophomore Blaise Porter’s plans for mass vengeance have been slowly dashed by the tough business realities of building a roller coaster,…
November 14, 2020 Edgar Allan Poe-Themed Fighting Game Locks Fortunato Behind Paywall Edgar Allan Poe-Themed Fighting Game Locks Fortunato Behind Paywall BALTIMORE — An upcoming brawler featuring Edgar Allan Poe characters will launch with the iconic “Cask of Amontillado” wine taster Fortunato gated behind a paywall,…
November 14, 2020 Size Queen Purchases PS5 Size Queen Purchases PS5 NEW YORK — Local size queen Sasha Carter reportedly purchased a PlayStation 5, the only console large enough to satisfy her need for an enormous…
November 14, 2020 Wario64 Begins Handcrafting PS5s Himself Wario64 Begins Handcrafting PS5s Himself SAN FRANCISCO — Amidst the growing need for production of more PlayStation 5’s, popular game deals purveyor Wario64 has taken matters into his own hands…
November 14, 2020 Man With Space Invaders Tattoo Can’t Even Name One Character Man With Space Invaders Tattoo Can’t Even Name One Character ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A man with a tattoo depicting an enemy from the influential shoot ‘em up game Space Invaders was chastised recently for not…
November 12, 2020 GameStop Offers $7.25 Trade-In Credit for Hour of Employee’s Life GameStop Offers $7.25 Trade-In Credit for Hour of Employee’s Life GRAPEVINE, Texas — After careful consideration of its market value, a local GameStop location offered recently hired employee Rob Lindsey $7.25 trade-in credit in exchange…
November 11, 2020 FedEx Driver Takes Xbox Series X on One Last Tour of City Before It Gets Locked Up in Your House Forever FedEx Driver Takes Xbox Series X on One Last Tour of City Before It Gets Locked Up in Your House Forever LOS ANGELES — Your scheduled delivery time was delayed this afternoon when FedEx driver Shannon Hunter took your Xbox Series X on a final whirl…
November 9, 2020 Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after having jumped 12-feet into the…
November 9, 2020 Review: ‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla’ Brilliantly Uses Viking Lore to Tell a Story of Fatherh—OK I’m Realizing Now I’m Playing ‘God of War’ Review: ‘Assassin’s Creed Valhalla’ Brilliantly Uses Viking Lore to Tell a Story of Fatherh—OK I’m Realizing Now I’m Playing ‘God of War’ Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, Ubisoft’s brilliant new adventure in gaming that lets you take on the life of a powerful viking, traveling through Norse mythology all…
