June 22, 2021 Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address Danny Ocean Hires Team of Criminal Specialists to Break Into Blizzard Account Made Under His Old Email Address LAS VEGAS — Master heist organizer Danny Ocean has reportedly gathered a team of top criminals, acrobats, and smooth talkers in an attempt to break…
June 18, 2021 Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony Interactive Entertainment scheduled an emergency meeting between their board of directors and u/LastofUs1296, an industry analyst who called out the…
June 18, 2021 Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer Pleases Fans for Nearly a Whole Afternoon Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer Pleases Fans for Nearly a Whole Afternoon KYOTO, Japan — The recent premiere of footage from the highly anticipated Breath of the Wild 2 entry in the Legend of Zelda series reportedly…
June 17, 2021 Sonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing Down Sonic’s Therapist Asks If He’s Ever Considered Slowing Down METROPOLIS ZONE — Sonic the Hedgehog has been asked to look inward and understand his deepest and most firmly held beliefs, according to sources who…
June 16, 2021 Nerf CEO Pleads With Gamers to Stop Associating His Company With Weakness Nerf CEO Pleads With Gamers to Stop Associating His Company With Weakness PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner released a video today pleading with gamers to stop using the word “nerf” to refer to when weapons…
June 15, 2021 Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would have loved the chance to…
June 15, 2021 Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean LOS ANGELES — Sunday morning kicked off Day Two of E3 with conferences from Microsoft, Square Enix, and Our Lord showcasing the new Halo’s multiplayer,…
June 14, 2021 New Patch Fixes Glitch That Made Pen Mightier Than Sword New Patch Fixes Glitch That Made Pen Mightier Than Sword EARTH — Developers of the planet Earth have released a new patch that fixes a thousands-year-old glitch which accidentally made pens mightier than swords. “Oooh…
June 13, 2021 E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person SAN FRANCISCO — While covering the online-only E3 2021, video game journalist Shaun Carlson has reportedly missed the excitement of copying press releases on location.…
